


Beneath the mask

by KafkaTamura



Series: My own AU (sort of) [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Ecto-Genitalia (Undertale), Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Ecto-Tongue (Undertale), Eventual Smut, Fluff, Good W. D. Gaster, Hugs, M/M, Manhandling, Minor Alphys/Undyne (Undertale), Not Really Character Death, Parent W. D. Gaster, Sans (Undertale) Remembers Resets, Scientist W. D. Gaster, Sibling Incest, Soul Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Undertale Genocide Route, Undertale Saves and Resets, You get the idea, basically everything genocide and resets implies, though that should go without saying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:22:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KafkaTamura/pseuds/KafkaTamura
Summary: Papyrus is worried about Sans. While everyone tries to adapt to the surface, he still seems stuck in the past, spending his days at Grillby's instead of going after his passion for science.When Sans confides to him his desire to reveal everything he's been keeping from him, Papyrus suggests a deal: Sans would tell him one thing per discussions and Papyrus would reward him with a hug.This is the tale of Sans coming to terms with everything that happened to him and Papyrus being there to support him through the good and the bad.
Relationships: Papyrus/Sans (Undertale)
Series: My own AU (sort of) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914874
Comments: 4
Kudos: 106





	Beneath the mask

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please read the tags. Pretty heavy and steamy stuff ahead!
> 
> I listened to the Undertale soundtrack while writing this (I always do that when writing Undertale fanfics because it’s so good and, well, fitting), but I put the Persona 5 soundtrack while editing. I was thinking about how many fics had lyrics in their titles when I remembered one of my favorite songs from Persona is called Beneath the mask. It fits so I adopted it right away. To be fair, I looked at all those songs titles, and a lot of them would feel appropriate too!
> 
> This story consists almost entirely of my headcanons and favorite tropes. Most of those scenes come from my thinking at nights instead of sleeping and my most indulgent daydreams. Therefore, this fic pretty much wrote itself. I felt like I was possessed at some point, only a vessel for the story to be written. (yes I did forget to eat and go to the bathroom)
> 
> So, as I said, it’s indulgent, but I think it turned out pretty well in the end. I certainly hope you’ll like it as much as I do!
> 
> I won’t be using the fonts, mostly because it’s so much work to format and from what I’ve seen, it doesn’t work on mobile anyway, which is where most people read. I used them while writing though. Always helps me get with the characters.
> 
> Have a good read!

Papyrus would like to say this was a day like any other, but, ever since coming to the surface, every day felt unique and full of challenges. Adapting his whole point of view on humans had been, strangely enough, the easy part. The hard part had been trying to adapt to weird human customs, like not attacking every human he met or imposing them a series of puzzles. 

He also had to find a new purpose. Since there were no royal guards anymore, Papyrus had to give up that dream. Fortunately, he had been developing another skill with Undyne anyway. When Papyrus thought deep and hard, he had to admit he enjoyed cooking a lot more than capturing humans.

Going through an actual human cooking class was something else. Frisk had made it easy for him to get in, but Papyrus had come to the sad conclusion that his cooking wasn’t as great as he previously thought. Oh, well, if nothing else, Papyrus was a hard worker, and there was no way he could admit defeat so easily!

As challenging as it was, school was also rewarding. He was in fact quite popular in his class. All the humans seemed to find him funny, which was not something Papyrus had worked towards, but he would take it.

Right now, his only real source of concern was the same as it had always been: Sans. Sans was... well, he wasn’t adapting as well as Papyrus was.

Grillby had opened a new bar as soon as he moved to the surface. When Papyrus asked him why he didn’t do something else, the monster shrugged and admitted he didn’t know what else he could do. Though a whole new universe was opened to them, a lot of monsters chose to stay in their comfort zone. 

Sans had adopted that new bar like he had the previous one. During the first weeks, he even stayed there from opening to closing, probably seeking a sense of familiarity in a new and not always welcoming world. Papyrus could understand that.

But, after a few months, Sans still spent all of his time there. Grillby had hired him after a while, stating that he might as well work if he was to loiter there. To Papyrus’s knowledge, Grillby paid him all his salary and never used it to pay back his tab. At this point, he was pretty sure Grillby had cleaned his slate. They were good friends after all.

That work suited his brother fine, and he seemed to like it, Papyrus knew that. Yet, here they were, in a human society, where they could do what they wanted without even having to pay rent – Toriel had negotiated in order to make sure all monsters had a couple years to get on their feet and do what they wanted. And Sans chose to work as a waiter!

Of course Papyrus had no prejudice against waiters: he planned to work in a restaurant after all. It’s just that Sans had always had a passion for science and Papyrus had assumed that, if they ever got to the surface, Sans wouldn’t wait one second to learn anything and everything he could. And right now, there was nothing preventing him from doing exactly that!

Papyrus would be happy if that was simply laziness, but he had a feeling that there was a whole lot more. 

He had decided to give him some time, though, because Sans did look better. Oh, he still wasn’t big on cleaning or doing any chores, but you could tell that there was less weighing him down. Even though he acted the same, it was obvious for Papyrus, who looked at him more than anyone else. 

He only wished Sans would actually let himself be _happy_ , for once, and not simply content. 

Here he was, sitting on the couch watching TV – Papyrus couldn’t believe how many good series there were on the surface! It was late at night, but Sans was still working. Although – Papyrus spared a look at the time –, he would be coming home any minutes now.

Even though Papyrus liked all of his life right now, one thing he always looked forward to was Sans coming home. They saw less of each other because of their mutual shifts and obligations, so each night, Papyrus waited for his brother to come home to talk with him, if only for a couple of minutes. That was the highlight of his day; Papyrus couldn’t picture going to bed without it. Fortunately, he needed far less sleep than humans, or Sans for that matter.

Speaking of, the door opened and Papyrus immediately muted the television. Sans, from the entrance, called his usual “i’m home!”, and Papyrus, trying hard not to appear too excited, replied, “WELCOME HOME BROTHER!”.

Sans finally emerged in the living room and fell face first on the sofa, besides his brother. Papyrus looked at him fondly and helped him get seated more comfortably. 

Sans looked exhausted, as usual, but more in a ‘had a long and productive day’ than in a depressed way. He sank deeper in the couch and, following their usual script, asked Papyrus about his day.

Papyrus related everything that happened in great details, while Sans hummed in all the good places, his eyes closed. It looked like he wasn’t listening, but Papyrus knew he was. He just didn’t have any energy left to show it.

After his long and detailed story, Papyrus returned the question. Sans, far less enthusiast, told him everything had been fine. 

That was usually the extent of their interactions. Although, very secretly, Papyrus yearned for more – he _always_ did –, they stayed silent for a while. Papyrus was about to put the sound back and watch the episode when Sans opened his eyes, straightened up and took the remote from his hands.

“actually,” Sans wasn’t looking at him even as he spoke, “there’s something i’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“YES BROTHER, WHAT IS IT?” Sans was acting peculiar, but Papyrus wasn’t concerned. 

“where to begin?” Sans whispered, “... this is harder than i thought.” He was fidgeting with his hands and _still_ avoiding eye contact. 

Now Papyrus was starting to worry, and that’s why he told his brother, “IT’S OKAY SANS, YOU KNOW YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING!”

He smiled to put his brother at ease.

Sans sighed and glanced at Papyrus, before looking away once again. “it’s just... i dont even know where to begin. there’s so much to say...”

If that was the only problem, the Great Papyrus had a simple solution!

“WHY NOT START WITH ONE THING? ONE THING AT A TIME SEEMS EASIER, DOESN’T IT?”

“huh”, sans looked up, “i didn’t think of that. you really are the best paps!”

Papyrus felt all warm inside. Even though it was fairly common, it always felt special every time Sans praised him.

“well, okay, what’s the first thing i could say... guess i should start by that. yeah.” 

Even if he had chosen his topic, Sans stayed silent for a while, gathering his thoughts.

“so. i’ve kept a lot from you. but you’ve guessed that much already haven’t you?”

“YES,” Papyrus approved, “THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN OBVIOUS BROTHER.”

Sans smiled. “thanks for not asking me.”

“OF COURSE.” He didn’t tell him how many times he had almost asked. He didn’t admit to spending nights looking at his ceiling in the dark, wondering what had his brother so depressed. 

“i guess... i thought i was protecting you? what i’ve kept from you, it’s pretty dark, and i’ve been telling myself i only wanted to spare you the suffering, but... truth is, i was selfish. keeping you ignorant only so i could deny it too, y’know? if i dont talk about it, it doesn’t exist, or something like that.”

Papyrus wanted to ask, to make his brother confess everything, here and now. Because he wanted to know, because it was only fair considering he told his brother _everything_ , because he wanted to help so much it burned him from the inside. _But_ , that would be immensely selfish, and Papyrus was trying, so damn hard, not to be that selfish anymore. So, instead, he stayed silent, his teeth clenched hard in an effort to keep all that inside him.

“anyway, the point is, i’ve kept so much from you, even things you should know. for example, we actually have a dad. sorry, we _had_ a dad.”

Papyrus had always wondered. Most monsters and humans he knew had parents, but, for as long as he remembered, Sans and him had always been alone. Papyrus had assumed they were different. After all, they were the only skeletons in the underground. For all he knew, they reproduced differently... Sans never had _that_ conversation with him either.

“he died, but there’s another reason why you dont remember him...”

Sans took a breath, visibly shaken, and, before he even had a chance to say more, Papyrus decided that was enough. 

“SANS, WE SAID ONE THING, REMEMBER? YOU CAN TELL ME THE REST NEXT TIME!”

All the tension that had built in Sans during his confession left in mere seconds. He looked so relieved Papyrus was tempted to tell him to forget all of it, but that wouldn’t be the best for either of them. Even if it hurt, Papyrus wanted to know. He _needed_ to know _everything_ about Sans.

“thanks paps” Sans smiled at him once more and Papyrus got an idea. A splendid one, he might add!

“HOW ABOUT, AS A REWARD, EVERY TIME YOU TELL ME SOMETHING NEW, YOU GET A HUG FROM ME?” 

Papyrus opened his arms to illustrate his point and Sans fell in his arms, like a puppet losing all its strings. Papyrus took care not to crush his brother and rubbed his back to comfort him.

“thanks paps,” Sans repeated, this time softly and with a little more meaning behind the words. 

“YOU’RE WELCOME SANS!”

Papyrus was very tempted to hug his brother until they both fell asleep, but it was already so late and if he didn’t get to bed soon, he wouldn’t get a wink of sleep. So, he reluctantly pushed back his brother and told him, “SANS? LET’S GO TO BED SHALL WE?”

“go ahead, i’ll stay a while longer.” 

Sans often stayed up after him, since he woke up much later, so Papyrus didn’t object and said his good night.

*****

Papyrus was left a couple days with his questions. Even with his busy life, he managed to find time to wonder. So they had a dad after all? What about a mom? Or another dad for all he knew? 

How had he died? Why couldn’t Papyrus remember him but Sans did? It obviously wasn’t because he was younger, otherwise Sans wouldn’t have put it like that. Not to mention, if they really had a dad, at least Asgore should know about him, but he had never mentioned anything. Nobody had ever told Papyrus about any parents.

Papyrus often found himself thinking instead of working, accumulating questions on top of questions. To have kids like him and Sans, at least he knew their dad must have been cool. Had he been a scientist like Sans, or had he been part of the Royal guards like Papyrus had always wanted? Or maybe he did a completely different job?

Today was Sunday, their day off. Papyrus only had school during the week and Sans had negotiated this day so they could spend it together. Each week, they planned some activities as a way to discover human culture as well as to spend time together. They went to movies, shopping, one time they went to an amusement park. 

This time, they went to the planetarium on Sans’ recommendation. In the city they were living in, they couldn’t see much stars in the night. Papyrus knew because they had tried – and failed – stargazing before. It has been fun nonetheless, to simply snuggle beneath a blanket, his brother close by and actually happy for once. 

This time, there were a lot of stars. Even if astronomy was more of his brother’s passion, Papyrus had to admit it was impressive. The stories behind the constellations were interesting too, and being surrounded by stars like that was a profound experience. When the show ended, Papyrus was ready to go back, but Sans, with a laugh, brought him to the rest of the museum.

At the end of the day, Papyrus felt spent, and they both collapsed on the couch. They had eaten on the way, so there was nothing left to this day but relax, maybe talk.

Although he was burning with curiosity, Papyrus was almost tempted to skip that part. They had had a wonderful day and he wasn’t sure he wanted to end it on a bad note. But, even as he was thinking that, Sans sat straighter and told him, “so, if you’re ready, i guess i can continue our last talk?”

“OF COURSE, GO AHEAD.” Papyrus replied, shifting in a more comfortable position. It felt important to go at Sans’ rhythm, especially in the beginning.

“gaster. that’s his name. our dad.”

Oh, it was nice to have a name. It felt foreign in Sans’ mouth, like he hadn’t said it in a while.

“he’s... he was the royal scientist, before alphys. he’s the one that built the core, among other things.”

So that’s where Sans got his interests! That explained why a monster as lazy as him ever got into it.

“simply put, he was the best at his job. smart, inventive, he was a true scientist, but also a good dad.”

Sans looked so proud, right now, that Papyrus couldn’t help but want to meet him. He must have been such a great monster to have Sans compliment him that much!

“he always took the time to explain his projects to me, since i was so curious. he would have taught you also, but you were way more interested in puzzles.”

That also proved that Papyrus had known him, and then forgotten? How?

“one of his projects, his biggest one, was to get monsterkind out of the underground. he had a lot of ideas, but one seemed better than the others. simply put, go back in time, find seven human souls, come back to the present to break the barrier and then put the souls back in time. of course he volunteered to go himself.”

Wow, that did sound like a good solution! There was surely even a way to find the souls without killing, like for example after accidents.

“we tested the machine so many times. everything was perfect. it should have worked!”

Papyrus had never seen his brother so angry before. He was clenching his fists and his teeth, but even so he went on.

“but of course, we failed. dad disappeared before my eyes and, not long after, i found out he had been erased from reality. the only one who remembered him was me.”

“SANS, I’M SO SORRY!” There was nothing else to say.

“heh, you have nothing to be sorry for paps. actually, i’ve been at peace with that for a long time. i’m starting with whatever’s easiest y’know?”

“TO BE ALL ALONE WITH YOUR FEELINGS LIKE THAT, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO TELL ANYONE... IT MUST HAVE BEEN SO HARD.”

“heh,” Sans chuckled, “i got used to it.”

That wasn’t reassuring in the slightest. Losing a parent and having no one to tell? Worse, remembering someone that didn’t even.. exist? How could you even live with that? Let alone get used to it?

“paps? can i get my hug now?”

“OF COURSE SANS COME HERE!”

He opened his arms and gathered his brother in a hug. Sans found purchase on his scarf and sat down on his laps, completely engulfed in Papyrus’ arms. 

When they were comfortable, Papyrus mentioned, “YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN ALWAYS HUG ME!”

Sans stayed silent, his hands gripping the scarf with all his strength. He had buried his face in it to mask his expression. He wasn’t making any sound, but his shoulders were shaking. Papyrus tried to steady them with a firm grip.

For all he insisted to the contrary, Sans looked like he wasn’t over it. 

Papyrus closed his eyes and tried to picture their dad. He wondered if there was any picture left. The way Sans had said it, maybe there wasn’t. He felt cheated from precious memories. What he wouldn’t give to remember their childhood! Papyrus wondered what it was like to see Sans curious and enthusiastic and sharing a passion with someone he loved.

He loved his brother deeply, more than anyone in the whole world, and yet, they didn’t share much in terms of passions. Sure, Sans always helped him with his puzzles, but that had always been Papyrus’ thing. There were a lot of activities they could do together, a lot they shared, but not a passion.

Maybe Sans could share with Alphys, but he had a feeling there was some history between them. He had been playing matchmaker, trying to get those two to talk, but maybe because Alphys was awkward or Sans wasn’t picking on his attempts, it never went anywhere. Even when they spent time the four of them, Sans always gravitated more towards him or even Undyne.

Papyrus was deep in those thoughts when he felt Sans sink even more on him, like he lost all strength. From the looks of it, he had fallen asleep right there.

He chuckled, filled with warmth and tenderness. They could sleep here of course, Sans often spent the night on the couch, but Papyrus decided against it. They both had a big week ahead of them, so they should get a good night’s sleep.

Papyrus moved his brother enough to pick him up bridal style, but Sans didn’t wake up. He slept through Papyrus bringing him to his room and in his bed. When he left his brother’s room, Papyrus whispered good night, but there was no reply.

*****

During the next days, whenever they saw each other, Sans told him a little something about their dad. Nothing tragic, only little details about his life, what he was like, what he liked, what he hated. 

Apparently he had always had something against milk, and drank nothing but coffee. He worked a lot, but always made sure to be there for dinner with his two kids, even if he had to go back to work after. He had been something of a nerd, and pretty awkward with everyone. While Sans was making friends with all his coworkers, Gaster was still on a last name basis with most of them. 

Papyrus loved hearing all those facts, but it did leave him sad. That person was a stranger to him, while Sans loved him so much. That wasn’t fair. Papyrus wanted to love him too, he wanted to feel everything Sans felt. 

Still, he braved his feelings and stayed as supportive as he could. As much as it was hard for him, it had been harder on Sans. Getting to tell him all those little things made Sans so happy, Papyrus couldn’t ruin that. 

It took a couple weeks to go through everything Sans had to say about their father. He even explained how they had been born. Gaster, being the last of his kind, had found a way to use part of his hands to create them both. So they didn’t have a mom, or any other parent. 

It was a Friday night, well into the night, when Sans told him, “i think i’ve told you all about dad. or, at least, the more important stuff. which means, i have to stop stalling.”

“YOU KNOW YOU NEVER _HAVE_ TO TELL ME ANYTHING RIGHT?”

“no, you need to know. i’ll just stop being a bonehead and tell you. it’s about frisk this time.”

Frisk? He was completely changing subjects after all.

“i’ve been wondering if i should tell you, but i figured, it’s something that happened to us, not the other way around, so i guess that’s my right.”

Well, that was intriguing, to say the least.

“here goes nothing. that experiment, where dad died, it caused something to happen. time became fractured from then on. you know about determination right?”

“THAT POWER HUMANS HAVE THAT LET THEIR SOUL LIVE ON AFTER DEATH?”

Even if Papyrus was no science pro, every monster learned that little fact in school.

“yeah, well, it grants them something else too: the power to reset. simply put, it allows them to go back in time.”

Time travel again? Sans did say it happened because of the experiment.

“OKAY, SO HUMANS CAN TIME TRAVEL?”

Sans shook his head, looking far more tired than the discussion thus far warranted. “only the most determined being gets that power. it works like in a video game. they can save and then, later on, they can go back to that save. they can also reset completely and go back to the ‘beginning’.”

It was starting to get a little confusing, but the comparison helped. Sans and him had tried some video games since coming to the surface. Some had been fun, especially those with puzzles, but others had been way too hard. For some unknown reason, Sans was better than him at every fighting game! Even though Papyrus was better when they were sparring!

“BUT SANS, WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH FRISK?”

Sans looked up at him. His eyes betrayed some anger, some anguish, but, most of all, determination. Or, well, the monster equivalent of it, Papyrus guessed.

“frisk had that power, when they were in the underground. they used it. and i remember _everything_.”

Oh stars. That was Gaster all over again! 

Before Papyrus could open his mouth to ask something, pretty much anything at this point, Sans jumped on him to claim his reward hug. Papyrus, taken aback, returned the hug without words. Of course he would never deny affection from Sans! But still, he was so confused.

Papyrus couldn’t even begin to understand the implications of Sans’ last revelation. Saving in a game allowed the player to retry whenever they died. Does that mean Frisk actually died? What if Papyrus had killed them? He was pretty sure he controlled his power enough to avoid that, but what if he had? And Frisk had to die and what, come back to life again to fight him?

What about other monsters? Oh stars, had Undyne killed them? Papyrus had always wondered how Frisk had managed to get away, since Undyne was pretty relentless, but maybe they hadn’t. Dear god. And to think Papyrus had always assumed Frisk was tougher than they looked. What if he had killed them, and they didn’t have that power, and then what? All monsterkind would have been doomed because of him?

“hey, hey bro, what’s wrong?” 

Sans was looking up at him with concern. Papyrus had been breathing louder and louder in his panic, probably alerting his brother to his state. To think, he was supposed to be the one to comfort him, and instead here he was, completely panicked!

“SANS, DID WE KILL FRISK? IS THAT WHY THEY USED THAT POWER?”

Sans looked surprised for one second, before he laughed. Papyrus, dumbfounded, stared at his brother. What was he even laughing about? That was such a serious subject!?!

“sorry, sorry, it’s just, i can’t believe _that’s_ your first thought. or, well, maybe i should have seen it coming. you’re so good.”

Papyrus didn’t feel warmth this time, only dread. 

“dont worry paps, _you_ never killed them. or anyone, for that matter.”

Relief washed over him. At least he didn’t have to fear being a murderer in another timeline. Papyrus was glad to know that, no matter what, he had always kept to his ideals.

Papyrus had a lot of other questions, but that was probably enough for now. This already counted as more than one thing, and they had started this whole project with that simple rule: one revelation at a time.

They hugged longer this time, but Papyrus couldn’t feel happy about it. Instead he was left with so many questions and fears. To think it would only get worse from now on. 

*****

This week Sans was more quiet than usual, even during Sunday’s activity – bowling, it was a favorite of Papyrus, and Sans always cheated with his blue magic only to get a rise out of his brother. It had been fun, of course, but Sans had been pensive, and Papyrus had been worried, and overall the day ended with them both quietly watching TV, purposefully not engaging in any conversation.

Papyrus got a reprieve during classes, but sometimes, when he was left with some easy tasks, his mind wandered. One time, on Wednesday, his thoughts sent him spiralling in a torrent of what-ifs that left him hyperventilating in the bathroom.

Not knowing about their dad had left him jealous and sad, but this, this was torture. There was so much he didn’t know! So many experiences Sans had been through, and Papyrus knew none of it! How many times had Frisk reset? Was it just to avoid dying? How weird was it to live through time travel and remember it? Papyrus only knew the last timeline. What the heck had happened in the others?

No! Papyrus shook his head. It was Friday, and he was actually on route towards Undyne’s and Alphys’ home. They had been planning a movie night with Undyne, Alphys, Frisk, and Sans. Sans had taken the night off for this purpose.

They were going separately though, because Papyrus left straight after school. When Papyrus arrived, Sans was already there, teasing a flustered Frisk. They both seemed to have so much fun that Papyrus concluded he had been worried for nothing. If they could laugh like that after everything, then surely it couldn’t have been _that_ bad.

As usual, they talked through the whole night, and even if Alphys was chiding them all, she wasn’t any better. It was so much fun Papyrus forgot any of his worries in favor of cheering on the magical girls on the screen. Undyne was just as enthusiastic as he was. Frisk seemed amused by the whole thing, and Sans told the most inappropriate jokes at the worst times. Papyrus hated to admit he did make them laugh more often than not.

Undyne, Alphys and Frisk always claimed the sofa, so, since that was the only piece of furniture in their living room, the skeletons were left on the floor. At least they had tons of pillows and blankets to sit on.

Sans usually sat on the same end as Frisk, and it wouldn’t be strange to see them petting him on the head absentmindedly. The skeleton never seemed to mind, even sinking into their touch sometimes. Papyrus loved when they did that. He loved Frisk in a way he never could have guessed, though totally platonically of course. As for Sans, Papyrus loved him more than he could love anything. So those two being happy together was the only thing Papyrus needed to be happy himself.

This time, though, instead of giving in to Frisk, Sans fell on his shoulder, eyes closed and snoring. He had lasted even less than usual before falling asleep. Papyrus made sure he was comfortable by bringing him closer, until he was almost on his laps. That way, he was more secure and wouldn’t fall off.

Sans didn’t wake up, even when the movies ended, so Papyrus picked him on his back and brought him home. At least he wasn’t as heavy as Papyrus’s soul. 

*****

They did a picnic on Sunday, followed by a walk in the park. Papyrus talked about his classes to keep the conversation going, but they were both anxious, feeding each other’s anxiety by being weird and awkward. 

Both monsters ended up home and exhausted earlier than usual. Papyrus fell on the couch and immediately caught his brother when he did the same. Usually they sat when they talked, but this time, Papyrus stayed on his back, keeping Sans on top of him. Whether they talked or not, he needed this right now.

“paps?”

“YES?”

“can i continue?”

Although he didn’t say what, it was obvious to both of them. Papyrus squished him a little more before allowing him, “OF COURSE SANS, I’M LISTENING.”

“frisk wasn’t the first one to use the power of reset. at first it was flowey. i dont know much about it though, because i dont remember those resets. i’m guessing something happened to me, but i dont know what, and flowey always refused to tell me. but i’m pretty sure it gave me determination, enough to remember after that.”

“WAIT, SANS, YOU HAVE DETERMINATION? ISN’T THAT BAD FOR MONSTERS? WILL YOU START TO MELT?”

Here with the panic again!

“calm down bro, im fine, i cant even properly use it. it’s barely enough to keep track of resets.”

“SORRY SANS, YOU CAN TELL ME MORE IF YOU WANT, OR WE CAN STOP HERE.”

“we’re already hugging, but i barely said anything. feels like i should tell more.”

“SANS, I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU, YOU DON’T NEED A REASON TO HUG ME! WE CAN HUG FOR NO REASON AT ALL IF YOU WANT!”

“thanks, but just a little more, ok?” 

“OKAY!”

“before i go on, paps, theres something really important you have to promise.”

“YES?” Papyrus could feel his soul beating. Sans so rarely asked for promises.

“no matter what i tell you about frisk, i forgave them. so you have to forgive them too okay?”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”

“you know i dont like promises, so you have to believe im serious when i ask you to promise me.”

“SANS... OF COURSE I PROMISE! YOU KNOW I BELIEVE IN EVERYONE, AND EVEN MORE SO FRISK! SO WHATEVER THEY DID IN THE PAST, OF COURSE I FORGIVE THEM!”

Sans looked up at him to make sure he was serious, but if you asked him, Papyrus thought this was all unnecessary. Sans should know he believed in everyone, especially Frisk! They had saved all of them! Surely what they have done couldn’t be so bad...

“good, because, here’s the truth: frisk didn’t reset only because we killed them.”

Papyrus had guessed as much. 

“they did it because they killed us all. over, and over, and over again.”

Papyrus didn’t know how to deal with this.

The words kept repeating in his head, echoing and echoing, but they never made any more sense. Frisk, the most pacific person Papyrus had ever met, killing them? That, that made no kind of sense. None whatsoever.

Sans kept silent after that, and good thing too, because nothing would have registered. Instead they shifted until they were on their side, Papyrus enveloping his brother in his embrace.

They fell asleep like that, not speaking another word after that revelation. Next morning, Papyrus got up, prepared his things, and went to school. Nothing felt real.

During the day, Frisk sent him a meme, and Papyrus stared at it for a good five minutes before he replied. Even as he hit send, he wondered what normal felt like, and how he could bring it back. 

He spent the rest of his day in shock, and when Sans came home, he was the one to open his arms and Papyrus was the one to sink into them.

Tuesday was better. Papyrus felt like he could actually think this time. He spent his lunch staring at pictures of Frisk and Sans in his phone. Judging by their happy faces, there was no way anyone could guess one was a killer.

Who was even Frisk? Were they really the sweet but kind of smug human he knew? How could they have...

No! Papyrus had promised, and first of all he was always ready to forgive, wasn’t he? He was sure that, all those times Frisk killed them, Papyrus had always forgiven them. He could do it one more time. He had to. He _needed_ to. There was no way he could stop loving Frisk now, not after everything they’d been through together.

Wednesday night, when Sans came home, Papyrus broke their implicit rule to go at Sans’s rhythm and asked, softly, “DID YOU KILL FRISK TOO?”

Sans looked to the floor, sighed, and admitted, just as softly, “yeah, i did”

Instead of sitting on the couch, Sans bypassed it and went straight to bed. Papyrus cried himself to sleep on the couch.

*****

“I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”

A couple days had passed in silence. Papyrus didn’t know what to say. He wanted to be supportive, of course he did, Sans was his brother, his dear, beloved brother. But he was also a killer, and that was so far away from his conceptions of him that he needed time to adjust.

But at the same time he just really, _really_ missed his brother.

Sans was barely back from his Saturday shift. Papyrus could tell those days had been rough on him too. He actually jumped when Papyrus talked, and you could tell he was shaking. Nothing on his face betrayed his real thoughts though.

“i get it, paps, if you want me to move out...”

“NO! SANS, PLEASE, JUST GET HERE AND HUG ME?”

Sans looked taken aback, but, without words, he took a step towards him, and another, until he was so close they almost touched. Papyrus opened his arms with a smile and Sans hesitated. Papyrus stayed patient, until his brother finally, tentatively, took his place on his laps, like they were already so used to. To think, there was a time when they barely touched. Papyrus didn’t miss that time.

“i dont get it,” Sans whispered. 

“WHAT IS IT BROTHER?”

“you’re not... disgusted? disappointed? angry?”

Papyrus took his time to gather his thoughts before he answered. “I MOSTLY FEEL SAD AND CONFUSED. I LOVE YOU AND FRISK SO MUCH, I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD EVER K-KILL EACH OTHER. I NEVER THOUGHT... I HONESTLY NEVER THOUGHT ANY OF YOU WOULD DO THAT!”

Papyrus was crying once more, but he couldn’t help it. How hurt and desperate had they had to feel to resort to _that_?

“i can’t talk for frisk, but i can try to explain for me? i dont think you will ever get it, because you’re such a better person than me, but...”

“DON’T SAY THAT! SANS, YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON TOO, I KNOW YOU ARE, I KNOW IT, SO I KNOW YOU HAD A GOOD REASON!”

“desperation mostly. maybe revenge, justice, karma, however you want to call it.”

Papyrus sniffled, and that made Sans chuckled a little bit. Papyrus took the time to calm down. Sans would explain everything and, in the end, it would all make sense.

“i’ll tell you everything, but maybe next time?”

Papyrus decided that was enough and stood up, keeping Sans in his embrace. His brother gasped out loud, but, before he could ask what was happening, Papyrus was already walking towards his room.

He took the time to pull back the blanket before he put a confused Sans in his bed, joining him soon after. They were already cuddling beneath the blanket before Sans even managed to ask what was going on. Papyrus informed him they would spend the night here and proceeded to close his eyes.

*****

They both woke up mid-morning, early for Sans but very late for Papyrus. Thankfully, it was their day off, and they hadn’t planned anything this week. With everything that had happened, they hadn’t found the time.

They ate breakfast on the couch while watching cartoons. Looking at his brother now, Papyrus knew he had forgiven him everything already. There was no way he could ever keep some sort of grudge on him. At least, not for something that serious.

They were barely done eating when Papyrus told him, “I FORGIVE YOU SANS. WHATEVER YOU HAVE DONE, I FORGIVE ALL OF IT.”

Sans looked dumbstruck for about two seconds before his eyes started to well up. He quickly wiped the tears away, but he couldn’t keep the relieved smile from his face. 

They didn’t go out that day, and they even had pizza delivered in the evening. Although they had pretty much done nothing, Papyrus didn’t feel bad about it. Binge watching TV a whole day was a new experience for him anyway, and eating delivered pizza too. He preferred to cook usually, but this day called for laziness. If Sans could adapt to him, Papyrus could do the same once in a while!

He started his week with optimism. There was nothing Sans could tell him that could manage to break his resolve. No matter what, he would forgive both Sans and Frisk. If it took a little more time for the latter, well. That was just how it was.

*****

They decided on a common though unspoken accord not to talk about it until their next day off, and only at the end of it. Although it could set their whole week off, they had a good thing going between them and they both wanted to keep it going a little while longer.

When this whole thing began, Sans was uncovering some painful truths for his brother to see. Now, it felt like he was confessing his sins. It explained why it was so much harder. 

Still, after a nice day at the planetarium – they were definitely going again, that was a promise –, they piled on the couch, Sans already in his brother’s arms.

“ok, here i go.”

Papyrus hummed his agreement, playing with the fur on Sans’ jacket. After all this time, he still wore it. At least, Papyrus made sure it got washed once a week.

“first time frisk fell in the underground, i’m pretty sure they were just confused. they probably never guessed they would meet monsters. and from what they told me, the first monster they met was flowey, so that wasn’t the best introduction.”

“i dont know everything that happened, but i know frisk killed some monsters. pretty sure it was self-defense though. they didn’t kill you, so i thought they couldn’t be so bad, just misguided. maybe some good food, some bad jokes, and they would be okay y’know?”

“they also died a lot in that first run. i thought i was having the weirdest deja vu the whole time. nobody told me time travel would feel so weird. i was wondering if i was going insane when they finally reset.”

Sans paused to breath and Papyrus thought, this wasn’t so bad. He could understand killing without meaning to, especially if monsters killed them so many times. Though of course he would never condone it.

“resets are different than loading. i actually saw the save screen for a second before being brought back to the beginning. that was weird, but i knew it was real, because i had readings to prove it. this time, they went in a pacifist and did pretty much the run you know. i thought the human would be satisfied and that would be the end of it.”

Alright, that was fine until now, but of course it wouldn’t stay that way, would it?

“SO WHAT HAPPENED?”

Sans sighed. “we were brought back to the beginning, again. at first i wondered why. that ending had been the best you could have. what more could frisk possibly want? maybe they thought there could be a way to save flowey? i dont know, i honestly dont. i only know that they redid the pacifist run one more time, and one more time, and even one more time.”

That doesn’t make much sense. Why would Frisk redo the same thing over and over, when they could live happily ever after on the surface? What was there to even gain?

“paps, i thought of going to the human to ask if i could help them find what they were looking for, but that’s when they started killing.”

“BUT WHY?” Papyrus couldn’t help himself on that one.

“what i suppose is, they were curious to see what would be different? but i never asked them. i never even told them i remembered.”

“THEY NEVER FOUND OUT?”

“if they know, they never told me.”

Papyrus had supposed they both came cleaned after everything, but evidently not. How much of an act was Sans always playing for even Frisk to be fooled like that? All those resets, and they had no idea?

“so the first time they k-”

“STOP!” Papyrus wanted to be ready, but he wasn’t. “I... I’M SORRY BROTHER, CAN WE PERHAPS CONTINUE ANOTHER TIME?”

“sure” Sans sounded relieved. Maybe Papyrus wasn’t the only one who needed more time.

Frisk came to play the next day. Papyrus put aside everything Sans told him and played with Frisk as he would have. No matter what they did in the past, in the present they were the same human Papyrus knew and loved.

Still, he felt a bit weird, but Frisk didn’t say anything.

Thursday night, Papyrus spent a long overdue evening with his dear friend Undyne. She had softened since coming to the surface, maybe because she didn’t need to be a hero anymore, maybe because she was with Alphys now. Whatever the reason, that change was good on her.

She had a job as a guard, and from what she told him, it was pretty chill. She only had to catch thieves once in a while, but other than that, she monitored screens and patrolled. It was a lot like being a royal guard, if only this time she didn’t have to kill anyone. 

Alphys was hoping to get into robotics, since that was the only science she had never failed. Mettaton was her biggest accomplishment, so she hoped to continue in that direction.

Undyne was still passionate of course, but more towards anime than anything else. Alphys and her were living their best life, watching as much anime as they could. They were lucky to have that in common.

So she was talking about her latest fandom. Papyrus usually enjoyed listening to her talking, but this night he didn’t understand a word she was saying. These last weeks had been so much that, honestly, although he loved her to bits, he wanted nothing more than to go home and cuddle with Sans. But since Sans wouldn’t be there anyway, that plan wasn’t happening anytime soon.

“Papyrus, you listening to me??”

Undyne was so expressive. Unlike Sans, you could tell so easily what she felt. Like, right now, she was obviously perplexed and angry? Oh.

“SORRY UNDYNE, I...”

Undyne lost all trace of anger and asked with only concern, “Hey, what’s wrong punk? Did something happen with Sans?”

“WHA- UNDYNE HOW DID YOU KNOW?!”

“Ah ha! Impressed by my skills aren’t you?” She smiled big and large like Papyrus loved. “Actually, I maybe saw your brother the other day looking weird and out of it. He didn’t even see me until I called his name! That was the first time ever, and I wasn’t even trying to be sneaky!”

Papyrus looked at his hands, wondering what to tell her, when she asked, this time angry again on his behalf, “Did he do something?”

“WHAT? NO, NO HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING BAD, IT’S JUST... WELL, HE’S BEEN CONFIDING SOME THINGS TO ME LATELY... AND I CAN’T TELL YOU WHAT, BUT IT HAS BEEN PRETTY ROUGH. WE ARE DEALING WITH IT THOUGH!”

“Are you really? Is it that bad? Has he killed someone or something?”

Though she obviously meant that as a joke, Papyrus couldn’t help his wince, and Undyne didn’t miss it.

“Oh my god, he DID?!?!”

“UNDYNE, NO, I CAN’T TELL YOU!”

“But Paps... if he committed a crime, he has to tell the police. Even Asgore confessed and he’s in prison now. You can’t protect a criminal! Even if it happened in the underground, justice has to be served.”

Great, now Papyrus had no idea how to get out of this. How could he tell Undyne the person Sans killed was still alive? Should he tell her about Frisk? How would that even work? Was Frisk a criminal now or not? Could you be tried for crimes that happened in another timeline? If so, Undyne was as much a murderer as almost all monsters, from what he could gather.

“HE DIDN’T KILL ANYONE,” Papyrus settled on this semi-truth. “I PROMISE YOU, IF HE COMMITTED ANY CRIMES, I WOULD PERSONALLY BRING HIM TO THE POLICE. BUT HE HASN’T. HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING, IT HAPPENED TO HIM!”

Oh no, he still told too much. But it helped calm Undyne, who deflated in a second and told him, as sincere as can be, “I’m so sorry Papyrus! Is there anything I can do to help? Sometimes I can’t stand him, but I still like your bro!”

Papyrus lost all his tension too and, with a smile, assured her, “WE’RE OKAY, UNDYNE, THANK YOU.”

“Alright then, I believe you,” her smile was as blinding as ever. “But talk to me if you need to okay?”

“OF COURSE!”

Crisis averted.

But over the next couple days, Papyrus couldn’t stop thinking about it. Should they tell her eventually? And Alphys? Shouldn’t Toriel know? Frisk hadn’t told anyone anything, but maybe their mom had a right to know. Although, since none of it technically happened, did she really?

If he thought about himself, he couldn’t say he felt better knowing. In facts, he felt worst knowing. And yet, he didn’t regret it one bit. Because, at the end of the day, he loved Sans, and he wanted to be able to love all of him, even the ugly bits. If that meant some hardships along the way, well... if they were together, they could get through it.

Papyrus was pretty sure Toriel loved Frisk as her own child, so perhaps she would prefer to know too? Even if the truth was ugly and served no purpose now. 

But he guessed they would have to leave it to Frisk to decide what to do. Perhaps he could push them towards honesty. 

For now, though, he already had his hands full with the truth himself. He never would have guessed before how bad the truth could hurt.

It was Sunday night, after their day out at the local aquarium, that Papyrus told his brother, “ALRIGHT SANS, I AM READY IF YOU ARE!”

“ok” Sans agreed, getting in Papyrus’ space. Papyrus had barely managed to get his hands around his brother when he started, “first time frisk killed a bunch of monsters in the ruins. i suspect they may have killed tori too, but i didn’t have the chance to make sure. i could tell as soon as they were out of the ruins that they had lv though.”

“i followed them, but they didn’t kill anyone in snowdin, not one of the dogs or you. they ended up not killing anyone else until the end. i guess they felt bad? that was pretty weird, but i decided to stand back and watch before doing anything.”

That was strange. Was there some kind of reason to kill only a bunch? What was Frisk even after? Nothing made any sense in this.

“next reset they killed undyne, and only her. undyne was the one who killed them the most, so maybe they were feeling vindictive?”

“then only mettaton? and then a bunch of unrelated monsters. they kept going like that, killing only selectively. i had a hard time figuring why, but i think i know now.”

“REALLY?” Papyrus asked with hope. Perhaps there was some logical explanations to this, and although Papyrus would never encourage murder, maybe he could at least understand.

“i think, in a very roudabout way, they were trying to get to know us? we show other sides of ourselves when our families and friends get killed. i know i do.”

Oh... sure, that made some sense, but wasn’t that cruel? Even if Frisk knew everyone was coming back, causing them suffering only to get to know them... they probably figured nobody would remember. Still, didn’t they feel the guilt? 

“anyway, maybe i’m wrong, only frisk knows what theyre thinking.” Sans paused to make sure to look Papyrus in the eyes, “what i know for sure is that, at some point, they killed _everyone_. including _you_.”

Papyrus shivered when Sans’ left eye started to glow blue, and right there, right then, he understood. Sans fought and killed Frisk because his brother died. Papyrus understood, because deep, deep down, he felt exactly the same.

“i tried until this point to find excuses. almost every monster had killed frisk at some point. vengeance isn’t pretty, but it’s a reason. and who wouldn’t be tempted to exact revenge when you could always erase it? i mean, what’s the harm, right?”

Papyrus tried not to notice how detached Sans sounded right now. His eye was still glowing and the air was growing cold with his magic. 

“but you never killed frisk. not even once. i know, because i was always watching your fight. you showed mercy every single time. they had no rights, no reason, to ever kill you. except, of course, to get something out of me.”

Oh... 

“they killed you so i would finally fight them. and i did. and i killed them, dozens, hundreds, thousands of times. i honestly dont know how much time i spent in that corridor, reliving the same fight, over and over, until, at last, frisk won.”

Papyrus gasped. Even if he knew that was coming, it still wasn’t easy to hear Sans had died in another timeline. All alone, and fighting a hostile human for hours and hours... how could Papyrus ever blame him? Sadness, grief and fear made even monsters do horrible things. That didn’t mean they were fundamentally bad.

“OH SANS, YOU DID YOUR BEST, I KNOW YOU DID. YOU DIDN’T EVEN FIGHT FRISK UNTIL THEY PRETTY MUCH ASKED FOR IT. I’M SO SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT ALONE.”

Sans’ eye finally lost that blue glow and all fighting magic died around them, leaving only the warmth of their souls. After searching for the truth on Papyrus face, Sans finally let go of all restrains and started to cry. Soon he was sobbing, gripping Papyrus’ scarf in a death grip. 

Papyrus rubbed his back and told his brother soothing words. There wasn’t much he could say, but he knew the actual words weren’t important. He simply wanted to be there for him, let him cry as much as he needed. God only knew how many time Sans had done the same for him. It was time he finally gave back.

It took a long time for Sans to finish crying, but when he did, he put some distance between them to look at his brother with awe and adoration. Papyrus, who felt all those things for his brother too, looked back with what he hoped was the same intensity. 

Sans, at last, smiled, and Papyrus did too, and soon they were laughing. Sans started cleaning his cheekbones, but Papyrus pushed back his hands and did it for him, glad to be of help.

That was when, unexpectedly, Sans started blushing. That made Papyrus blush too, because there was no way Sans could ever be as cute as he was right now. 

That was a weird thought to have after your brother had a meltdown. Papyrus decided to push it back for now, and possible ever. 

They laughed some more, although it was nervous now. Sans tried to get up, but in his haste he fell back down on Papyrus once before he finally managed to stand on his feet. Still blushing, he told his brother, “i’m gonna go wash up”

Papyrus didn’t have time to answer before his brother was gone.

*****

Contrary to the previous times, Papyrus didn’t feel bad this time. What he had learned hadn’t been good, but he had been prepared to hear it, which made all the difference. 

He was also pretty sure there wasn’t much left to tell at this point. Unless Sans had one more big secret, the worst was behind them. Sure, there were probably other resets, but nothing could be worst than that one right? At least it would be on the same level. Papyrus could deal with it.

That meant that, soon enough, Papyrus would finally know the whole truth about Sans. Some of it was bad, ugly, but it was still his brother and he loved him nonetheless. Most of all, Papyrus couldn’t help but admire his strength. To go through all that, and still find it in himself to forgive Frisk and actually love them? All that without losing his sanity?

Sans was the strongest person Papyrus knew.

The next couple of weeks were more relax. Sans didn’t bring anything up and Papyrus was happy to let it sleep for now. They spent as much time together as they could, enjoying each other’s company. Papyrus had always liked spending time with his brother, but now that they were closer, both emotionally and physically, it was even better.

He was thinking so much about Sans and their relationship that it came as a big, big surprise when one of the humans in his class asked him out.

The woman, Emma, was barely twenty. They weren’t best friends yet, but he enjoyed talking with her. She had grown up in a restaurant and was helping over there whenever she could, all the while trying to get certified so she could one day take over. 

Her confession was also a surprise because, up to that point, he was pretty sure she was way too taken with her job and school to even think about dating.

When he told her that, she laughed, blushed and explained that love happened whether you wanted it or not. She then looked embarrassed about having revealed her true feelings.

Papyrus, having been in a similar situation with Frisk before, prepared to reject her when he paused and asked himself: why was he actually rejecting her? 

True, he was pretty busy, but she was too, and therefore would understand. They got along pretty well, enough that he could picture spending more time with her. He wasn’t in a relationship right now, and even if he wasn’t looking for one, what prevented him from trying it out?

He thought of Sans at this moment, and, inexplicably, that was what motivated him towards rejecting her. He explained how he wasn’t looking for a relationship right now, but wanted to stay friends with her.

She accepted the deal and, after she left, Papyrus was left with this weird feeling. In the past, he would have jumped at any occasion to date, if only to get more experience. He had changed since coming to the surface, sure, but at this point?

And what Sans had to do with anything? Sure, they spent more time together lately, but dating wouldn’t prevent that. Sans would always be the most important person to him no matter what, that didn’t mean he couldn’t date.

Papyrus sank down on his chair, still at school even though classes were finished, and wondered. Every romance he had ever read or watched were pretty clear on one point: the loved one was the most important person in your life. 

He guessed there could be exceptions. For example, he was pretty sure parents were supposed to make their children their top priority. Wouldn’t it be unfair of him to date someone and always prioritize Sans though? He couldn’t see a future where he didn’t live in the same house as his brother, or where he loved someone more than him. 

Did that mean Papyrus was better off staying single all his life? Would that be such a bad thing? His life was pretty fulfilling right now, if he was honest. Sure, dating seemed like fun, but so did going to the planetarium with Sans, or movie nights with the squad.

Papyrus decided he wouldn’t get all his answers right now and finally left school. He would deal with this if he ever found someone he actually wanted to date. 

*****

This Sunday, they had decided to do a pillow fort after having seen one on TV. They spent the whole day setting it up, and by evening it was pretty impressive. You could go from room to room in their whole house without leaving it.

They took a breather in the living room. Papyrus was pretty proud of their accomplishment. Watching TV under blankets was very nice, more intimate and cozy.

Both skeletons were snuggled together watching cartoons when Sans broke the silence, “paps? i know it’s been a while, but there’s one last thing i wanted to tell you”

Papyrus’ soul started beating faster. He had hoped there wouldn’t be anymore. Not because he didn’t want to know, but because he didn’t want Sans to have suffered more than he already knew.

But he supposed there would never be a better time than right here, inside their pillow fort, for Sans to confess some more.

“OF COURSE SANS, GO AHEAD.”

“i’ve been keeping this for last because i felt like you needed to know the rest before.”

Papyrus nodded. At least that would be the end, and then he would know everything. 

“but before i tell you _that_ , i just wanted to, i guess, explain why first?”

“SURE, GO AHEAD.”

Papyrus could wait if Sans needed him to.

“i’ve told you about the first time i killed frisk, but i haven’t told you yet how it felt to live it over, and over, and over. at first, watching everyone die hurt so much every time, and i want to say it didn’t get better... but it did. paps, i even got used to watching _you_ die.”

Sans looked so guilty, but Papyrus didn’t get why that was so bad. If it spared Sans some pain, especially considering he would come back anyway, it wasn’t so bad.

“you dont get it paps. first it was the food. it all tasted the same, until i couldn’t tell what i was eating. it all tasted like dust, so i decided not to eat anymore. after that, i felt _cold_. so cold, all the time, so so _so_ cold. at some point i swear i couldn’t feel my fingertips, until everything just, faded away. i became _numb_.”

“have you ever tried repeating the same word over and over?”

Papyrus, frozen by the horror of Sans’ words, barely managed to shake his head no.

“it slowly, slowly loses meaning. every conversation, every step i took, every scene i saw, every fight was the same, and the same, and over time it lost all sense of reality. the words became noise. everything was noise, it drowned everything else, i couldn’t feel anything but this _noise_ , it was getting _everywhere_. and i couldn’t escape it, because i _couldn’t die!_ ”

“one night, i had a nightmare. you were dying in it, and i didn’t even care, and i was horrified i didn’t care, but i didn’t care that i was horrified, and so on. but then i saw my hand, and there was a dusty knife in it. i thought i killed you, and that, _that_ made me scream. that was the first time i felt something in i didn’t even know how long.”

At this moment, inexplicably, Sans smiled. A beautiful, honest, smile.

“you won’t remember it now, because it happened in another timeline, but i woke you up with my screams. you came barging into my room, and you were okay, and so beautiful, so _alive_. you were so worried! you never acted that way before, everything was _different_ , even the words you said were new. for once i couldn’t feel the noise, i could only feel _warm_ when you hugged me.”

“papyrus, that night, you saved me.”

Papyrus was crying, there was no helping it. He sobbed once, tried to reel it in, sobbed once more, before saying, “SAAANS! I HAD NO IDEA!”

“hey, it’s ok paps, really, you had no way to know. and look, i’m all better now, thanks to you!”

“STILL! SANS, I’M SORRY YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH!”

“no, none of that, paps, you don’t have to cry, i’m over it now. and that’s not even what i wanted to tell you!”

Papyrus could feel his soul dying inside, “THERE’S MORE?!?”

“oh paps, no, i mean yes, but it’s not bad, i swear. though, it can wait if you’re not ready.”

He sniffed, tried to get some kind of countenance, cleaned his cheeks with his hands and then said, “I WANT TO KNOW NOW PLEASE. BUT IT’S THE LAST BIG THING RIGHT?”

“yeah bro, the last big revelation.”

“ALRIGHT, YOU CAN TELL ME.”

“welp, here goes nothing,” Sans blushed and, avoiding eye contact, added, “the truth is, after that night, i could only manage to feel when i was with you. you made me relearn all feelings, and, well... after something like that, there was no way for me but to fall in love with you.”

There was a pregnant pause, during which Sans seemed to gather all his courage. Staring Papyrus straight in the eyes, he repeated, “i’m in love with you papyrus”

Wow. Papyrus was actually, completely speechless. Sans looked a bit hopeful, though mostly ready to bolt. Papyrus detailed his brother’s face, but there was no denying the feelings laying bare. 

After something like this, it really was no wonder. It was almost expected, for Sans to fall in love. Who wouldn’t love the one who saved them?

Sans looked to the side and added, probably feeling like his point didn’t get across, “i want to go on dates with you, i want to make you happy, i want to hold your hand, i want to kiss you and maybe more, definitely more, i want to sleep in the same bed, spend all nights cuddling in front of the tv. but what i want the most is spend the rest of my life with you.”

Papyrus felt himself blush too. When he looked at all those ideas, he realized he also wanted most of these.

“SANS... I DON’T KNOW ABOUT K-KISSING, OR-OR M-M-MORE, B-BUT! THE REST, I WANT THE REST OF IT! YOU’RE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE, I WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU, I WANT TO CONTINUE HUGGING YOU AND MAYBE, HOLDING HANDS SOUNDS NICE, AND DATES! WE ALREADY MOSTLY DO THOSE!”

Papyrus took another breath, pretty winded after this whole confession, and then he added, “I DON’T KNOW IF I WILL EVER FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU DO, BUT I DO LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY SOUL.”

Sans contemplated his words in silence, and they both thought about what it meant for them. After some time, Sans finally ended up on, “i didn’t think it would go over so well. you’re not disgusted or awkward. i’ll take anything you’re willing to give me, whether it’s brotherly or not.”

“IN THAT CASE... MAYBE WE COULD TRY SOME OF THOSE THINGS AND SEE?”

Still blushing, Sans nodded and showed his hand, “hand-holding?”

Already? 

“OH, EUHM, SURE!”

Feeling overly nervous, but trying to appear confident, Papyrus brought his own hand toward Sans’ and promptly took it. They had to move to find some way to be comfortable, but, when they finally settled, Papyrus had to admit it felt good.

Papyrus had never fully realized how small Sans’ hand was compared to his. Sans’ thumb rubbed the top of his hand in slow motions that made Papyrus sigh in contentment. It was like getting pet, but at the same time he had Sans’ warmth in the palm of his hand. 

They watched some televisions after that, but Papyrus didn’t absorb any of it. Truth be told, he was mostly thinking about how they could be even more comfortable if Sans sat between his legs, his back against Papyrus’ front. They could hold both hands at the same time and Papyrus could cover almost all of Sans’ body with his.

Perhaps it should be weird that the older brother was smaller, but Papyrus had previously never given it much thought. Now, he was glad to be the taller of the two. With everything Sans had been through, Papyrus didn’t want to pity him, because he was far stronger than Papyrus could ever be, but he did want to protect him for once. Even if it was pretend, Papyrus liked the idea of protecting a smaller Sans with his body.

After some time merely thinking about it, he realized there was nothing stopping him. So he asked him if he could try something. When his brother gave his approbation, Papyrus proceeded to pick him up and arranged him exactly like he had thought.

When they were settled, both pairs of hands intertwined above Sans’ nonexistent stomach, Papyrus sighed in true contentment. He glanced towards his brother, who was blushing even more, and this time Papyrus let himself think that was cute.

*****

After that, their dynamic changed, but less than Papyrus would have guessed. They still spent their Sundays together, and talked about their days in the middle of the night. 

Now though, hand holding and hugging became their go-to whenever they saw each other. Sans would also sneak into Papyrus’ bed while he was asleep. Papyrus would wake up to his snoring brother’s face, and that never failed to make him smile.

Papyrus settled easily in that new everyday life. Sans looked happier than he’d ever been, which in turn made Papyrus happy. He loved every new sides of Sans he was lucky enough to discover.

For example, when Sans was feeling very happy and thought he was alone, he would hum some tune. Papyrus was pretty sure he wasn’t even aware of it himself. He also offered to do the dishes more often, though Papyrus had a feeling it had more to do with him saying thank you.

They tried some light kisses too. Papyrus particularly enjoyed kissing Sans on the top of his head when he passed by. Sans for his part seemed quite taken with kissing Papyrus’ hands, whether on the top of it, inside the palm or inside the wrist. Papyrus most of the times let out little sighs when he did it, and that seemed to make Sans proud. 

Papyrus enjoyed those new things, and he also appreciated the routine, but he just adored getting to know everything about his brother, every little detail, every cute things he did because he was in love.

Which brought Papyrus to one serious, and therefore difficult, question: what were his feelings?

There was no doubt he loved Sans deeply, but in what way? Could he ever picture kissing him on the mouth? Maybe? It’s not like he had a lot of experience to judge. He couldn’t think about kissing someone else for sure, but that could be because he had never felt so comfortable with anyone before.

He could discuss those things with Sans, but, for now, he wanted to keep it from him. If there was one thing in his life he wanted to be right about, that was it. What if he told Sans he wanted to try dating, only to realize that wasn’t what he wanted? Wouldn’t that be cruel? Sans had told him he would take anything he could, but that wasn’t a reason to thoughtlessly try anything.

He wanted to be sure, and he had a feeling talking with Sans would only push him to try something he might later regret.

He was in dire need of advice though. There really was only one person he could ask, and felt confident enough in their advice. Monsters were also less prejudiced towards incest, probably because it was more common in their species than in humans.

Which explained why he was visiting his friend Undyne this fine Saturday afternoon. Alphys was there too, but that was a good thing. He could get both their opinions.

They did a bit of small talk, sipping the tea Undyne had prepared, until Papyrus, having waited enough, asked, “ACTUALLY, UNDYNE, ALPHYS, I WAS HOPING TO ASK FOR YOUR OPINION ABOUT SOMETHING.”

“YEAH sure punk!” Undyne grinned.

“I-i’ll do my b-best!” Alphys assured him with her best smile, which wasn’t as convincing as she wanted it to be, but did the job nonetheless.

“FIRST, I KNOW YOU AREN’T PREJUDICED, BUT I HAVE TO ASK. PROMISE YOU WON’T JUDGE? AND KEEP IT SECRET?”

“Of course Paps, do you even need to ask?!!”

“I can keep a secret, and I’m s-sure I’ve done w-worst so i c-can’t judge!”

“ALRIGHT! HERE I GO! SANS ADMITTED TO BEING IN LOVE WITH ME AND I THINK I MIGHT LOVE HIM BACK?!?”

He could feel himself blushing, oh stars.

Undyne straight up started to laugh, and a blushing Alphys told him, “G-good for y-you! I a-always s-shipped you two!”

Papyrus tried to take back control of the conversation, “I’M NOT COMPLETELY SURE ABOUT MY FEELINGS THOUGH, SO I WANTED TO ASK YOU TWO HOW YOU KNEW YOU LOVED EACH OTHER!”

Serious again, Undyne easily admitted, “I couldn’t stop thinking about her, what I wanted to do with her, to her... and yeah, i guess it felt obvious to me.”

Alphys, blushing even more deeply, admitted, “W-when we first met, b-back at the garbage dump, I-I... n-not seriously, I swear, but I was t-thinking about... j-jumping.”

Both gasped, and Papyrus spared a glance towards Undyne. Had Alphys never told her? Wow, maybe it was a good thing he had come for advice, even for them.

“Alphy!!! Is that true!?!?”

“B-babe, calm down! I wasn’t gonna d-do it. Y-you know I’m too much of a c-coward to actually do it. B-but I was thinking about it. A-and then I met you, and y-you gave me something to looking forward to.”

“BAAABE!!! Don’t ever think any of that anymore!!” Though she looked relieved, Papyrus could tell that would be brought back later.

After a lull, during which both women made lovey-dovey eyes at each other, Papyrus admitted, “THAT SOUNDS LIKE WHAT SANS TOLD ME.”

“R-really? H-how so?”

“SANS WAS IN A LOT OF PAIN AND I NEVER KNEW, BUT I SAVED HIM WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING IT BY BEING MY GREAT SELF. I AM GLAD, OF COURSE, BUT I WOULD HAVE LIKED BEST IF HE NEVER HAD BEEN HURT.”

“Yeah,” Undyne said, a bit ruffled, “I get that Paps.”

“BECAUSE OF HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ALPHYS?”

“Sure! I mean, I’m glad I know now of course, but I wished Alphy never had that kind of thoughts!”

“I-i told you a-already, I’m better n-now!”

“BUT ALL THAT DOESN’T HELP ME. I WANT TO BE SURE OF MY FEELINGS!”

Undyne looked pensive for a couple seconds before she asked, with a bit of a naughty smile, “And why do you need to be so sure? Can’t you try and see what happens?”

“I CAN’T DO THAT! WHAT IF WE TRIED DATING AND I REALIZED I DIDN’T FEEL THE SAME? SANS WOULD BE SO CRUSHED!”

Alphys, after having exchanged a look with her girlfriend, asked, “B-but he would get over it, wouldn’t h-he? And maybe it would be e-even better for him! Maybe he could g-get over you and f-fall in love with someone who would return his f-feelings?”

That... wasn’t something Papyrus ever thought about. Sans, in love with someone else, and leaving him behind? No, Papyrus didn’t want that! He didn’t want that at all!!!

Wasn’t he being selfish though? Keeping Sans in a relationship that wasn’t fulfilling, so _he_ wouldn’t be alone?

“Papyrus? Are you thinking something weird again?” Undyne had a wicked grin now. “Come on, your feelings should be pretty obvious now!”

“WHAT?? NO!?! EVERYTHING IS EVEN MORE CONFUSING?!?!”

Oh god, was Papyrus not picking up an obvious clue? 

“Y-you were thinking about h-how you d-didn’t want Sans to leave you for someone else, r-right? T-that was p-pretty o-obvious.”

“But that’s not because you’re selfish, you nerd, it’s because you love him too!”

Were they actually reading his mind? Papyrus looked between the two woman with wonder, and then, deep down, he knew. 

Papyrus stood up in one jump, full of conviction, and told the couple, “I HAVE TO TELL SANS!”

“You sure do. Go get him tiger! And then tell me all about it, k?”

Undyne barely had time to finish her sentence before Papyrus had closed the door behind him. He ran all the way home, thinking about his beautiful brother and what he wanted to tell him. He was so caught up in his fantasies that he didn’t realize until coming home that Sans was working. He had barely begun his shift, too, which meant he had hours and hours to wait.

Papyrus paced around the house, seriously considering grabbing Sans at Grillby’s and bringing him home. 

He managed to quell his ardour and sat down. He watched TV for hours, eating only when the hunger became too much. He kept glancing at the clock, but the seconds ticked so slowly he thought time had stopped more than once.

He managed to make it, though, and when the front door finally opened, Papyrus couldn’t keep his excitement. He ran to the door, where Sans was toeing his shoes off. As soon as he was done with his coat, Papyrus picked him up and brought him to the couch.

Sans didn’t object to any of it. Instead he smiled, and Papyrus could admit, right here, right now, that he wanted to kiss him.

But Papyrus was a gentleman, and a good person, so of course, before assaulting him, he told him, “SANS! I HAVE GOOD NEWS! SUCH GREAT NEWS! AFTER HAVING THOUGHT ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD, I REALIZED I DO HAVE ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR YOU AFTER ALL!”

Sans blushed more than he ever had, all his face and neck were a gorgeous baby blue. Papyrus couldn’t help it, he had to ask, “CAN I KISS YOU?”

“wow, of course paps, always”

Finally, they kissed.

At first, teeth against teeth, it felt no different than kissing the top of his head – nice, tender, good but not enough to do it a long time. Papyrus was almost, _almost_ disappointed, when Sans opened his mouth beneath him and, oh, there was a tongue.

Papyrus materialized his own and, as soon as their magics met, Papyrus could feel it. Why other people liked kissing so much. Why fiction always talked about sparks. There was no other way to describe it. Everything tingled. Everywhere Sans touched felt like it was burning, and the rest felt so cold. Papyrus wanted, no, he _needed_ , to keep touching him, to touch him even more!

It felt so good, Papyrus didn’t think before picking Sans up and putting him on his back on the couch. Papyrus covered all of his big brother and couldn’t help the possessive growl he let escape.

Their tongues were still intertwined when Papyrus touched Sans’ ribs, underneath his clothes. Sans moaned long and hard, enough to let go of his mouth, and arched his back. Looking at his brother, the love of his life, Papyrus got an idea he couldn’t wait to test.

“SANS? CAN I TOUCH YOUR SOUL?”

Touching a monster’s soul was perhaps the most intimate you could get. Even sex couldn’t compare, because you could _touch_ everything they were made of, the culmination of their being. Papyrus knew he was asking a lot, but he wanted all of Sans, right this instant, and there was nothing more _Sans_ than his soul.

Barely able to breath, his tongue lolling to the side, Sans told him more precious words than even declarations of love, “i trust you”.

Papyrus nodded, and then Sans manifested his soul. It was white, like any other monster’s, and yet, Papyrus could swear it looked blue.

Gently, carefully, like every time he manipulated his brother, Papyrus brought his fingers to Sans’ soul. It tingled like every time their magic met. After a couple seconds of petting, Papyrus cupped it in his hands.

This beating soul in his palms contained all that made Sans. His love for Papyrus shined through everything else, brighter than any stars. Every quality, every imperfections, Papyrus wanted to brush his fingertips over them and feel them all.

His own soul manifested and, without a second thought, Papyrus brought both their souls together.

The next few seconds were indescribable. It was so much pleasure it felt like pain, like it would tear his body any second. 

When the feeling faded away, Papyrus noticed he was panting, and so was Sans. There was no words to explain what just happened, and yet, his voice hoarse, Sans explained it, “so that’s what soulsex feels like”

Papyrus let Sans’ soul go, not without regret, and his own soul went back to his chest. He collapsed on the couch besides his brother and collected him in his arms. Sans’ whole body was lax like a rag doll and warm, so much warmer than usual.

When Sans looked up to him, Papyrus noticed his tongue was still there, and that prompted him to kiss him once more. This was pure shocks. Papyrus wouldn’t be surprised if they were producing electricity right now.

“paps” Sans moaned between kisses. “hm, paps, i, i want more!” 

More, as in, _sex_?

Oh boy. Papyrus had been out of his depth with the whole soul thing, but his instinct had carried him through. Now, though, even if he felt the desire deep inside him, he wasn’t so sure anymore what to do, or mainly _how_ to do it.

He tried to put a stop to the kiss, only to kiss him once more, and then once more for good measure. Sans, his eyes barely opened, looked ready to give him _anything_. It made Papyrus feel _things_. So many _things_.

“SANS, I WANT TO, I’M JUST NOT SURE, WELL, HOW?”

Sans, more alert now, seemed to remember this was Papyrus, a virgin with barely enough knowledge of sex to know it happened when you were naked. Oh, sure, he wanted whatever this was going towards, but he had no idea what that was.

Sans chuckled, without any trace of malice whatsoever, and kissed Papyrus once more, before admitting, “you knocked me out so good with that last orgasm my brain stopped working. you sure you want this pap?”

There was no hesitation. “YES!”

Sans smiled an indecent smile, something so naughty it should be illegal, “alright, then i got you.”

In a show of force that took Papyrus completely by surprise, Sans managed to switch their positions. Now Papyrus was on his back, and sitting proudly on his midsection was Sans. He looked ready to make his new prank, only this time it would be on Papyrus’s body!

Papyrus was asking himself exactly what he consented to when Sans, without any kind of preamble, got rid of his jacket and then his t-shirt, leaving his torso completely bare. Without being told to, Papyrus brought his hands to Sans’ ribs and caressed them. Sans’ soul wasn’t visible anymore, sadly, but knowing it was there made Papyrus tingly all over.

Sans slipped his hands underneath Papyrus’s t-shirt and Papyrus helped him get it off, his scarf discarded on the floor beside it. Sans bent down to kiss him once more. Papyrus could barely keep up with the new sensations. Their bones touching and knowing, feeling Sans over him, that was so good, it almost felt too good.

Then Sans moved his hips and Papyrus forgot how to breath.

Sans chuckled in his mouth, before moaning once, long and wanton. He moved again, and one more time, trying to keep up the kiss but barely able to breathe, let alone move his tongue.

Without warning, Sans stopped all movements and stood up. Papyrus was so disoriented by this change that he didn’t realize until he was done that Sans had been getting out of his shorts and oh my god he was completely naked.

Wow, his bones were so white, and smooth, Papyrus wanted to lick them all over. But what intrigued him most was the small patch of blue magic nestled inside Sans’ pelvis.

Was that what he thought it was? Before he could even ask, Papyrus felt Sans hands tugging on his shorts. The next moments were used to help Papyrus get naked too, and when finally they were both done with their clothes, Sans took his rightful place on top of his brother.

Sans glanced down Papyrus’ body and had another chuckle, but, before Papyrus could ask why, Sans shut him up with a kiss. It got so messy their saliva dripped down on the sofa, but Papyrus couldn’t spare even a thought to it.

While Sans kissed him, drooling all over his teeth, Papyrus explored his spine with his hands. Sans arced in time with his caress like a cat. That made Papyrus laugh a little, but that turn into a moan when Sans trailed a hand down Papyrus’ own spine. Soon enough, his hand was at the pelvis, and although Papyrus could feel his magic pool there, he wasn’t sure how to manifest it yet. Visibly, Sans didn’t have that same problem.

“come on paps,” sans panted in his mouth, “you know at least this, right?”

Papyrus tried and failed to take a deep breath, convinced he would never experience normal breathing again. He felt like a wreck, but he didn’t mind since it was Sans with him. He wanted all of Sans and he wanted to give all of himself to Sans, so there was no place for shame.

Still, even if he wanted to, he didn’t know how. He had seen at least a couple sex scenes on television, although most of the time against his will, and he knew what his brother was talking about. He needed genitals. Probably a cock, although, he guessed, one or the other would do. He was sure there were ways to have pleasure whatever form it took.

If only it took form!

Sans laughed and told him, “alright paps, it’s alright. you need to relax. it won’t happen if you force it.”

Then how?? And why was Sans so nonchalant about this? Papyrus was having problems performing here and, oh god, what if it never manifested?

“hey hey hey, calm down baby, it’s alright, take some deep breath. it’s okay, even if we stop here, that’s no problem.”

That was sweet, but very far from what Papyrus wanted! His eyes tearing up in frustration, Papyrus told him, “I WANT TO KEEP GOING!”

Sans, his wicked smile back in place, assured him, “then i have a plan”

Before he could ask for clarifications, Sans slide down his body until his mouth was at his pelvis and he started licking there. Papyrus felt the tingles come back, and everything felt good again. Sans really was the best monster you could ask for! God, what a wicked tongue!

Papyrus wasn’t sure if it even took one minute, but his magic manifested. He didn’t even need to think about anything! He looked down in time to see Sans’ surprised face, before it shifted to satisfaction. He whispered a sly “well hello there” before licking once along the orange cock.

He couldn’t keep looking, moaning with how much pleasure he was feeling. That was even more sensitive than his tongue? He didn’t think that was possible!

Sans, thank god, didn’t keep it up, because it would have ended pretty quickly. Instead he climbed back up, until his entrance was directly above Papyrus’ cock. That was, oh god, if barely touching felt that amazing, then what about the actual act?

“you okay sweetheart?” Sans asked, and if Papyrus could think clearly, he would wonder how much he liked those pet names. 

That would have to wait, though, because now he had a question to answer, and there was only one possible answer, “YES! PLEASE, SANS, MORE!”

“alright, here i come.”

Sans started slowly sinking on him. 

It was wet, and warm, and tight. It was somehow both more and less than their kisses, and Papyrus had no word to describe the feeling, except that he wanted more, oh so much more.

Sans got as deep as he could and then started a slow rhythm, barely moving in and out. Papyrus was slowly going crazy, and Sans riding above him wasn’t helping. His soul was visible, and now Papyrus was convinced it was the same baby blue as Sans’ magic. Papyrus wanted to touch, so badly, but he also wanted to touch the rest of Sans, and mainly he wanted to get even more of that feeling around his cock.

When his brother started moving faster, Papyrus decided to turn the tables around. He switched their positions once more, with Sans on his back, his legs opened to welcome him. Papyrus easily sank right back in.

Papyrus found a good rhythm, while Sans was trying and failing to find purchase on his ribs. Seeing his hands flying around, Papyrus caught them and pinned them above Sans’ head, before going for a deep and bruising kiss. He moved from the wrists to his hands and slid his fingers between Sans’.

Sans had looked sexy riding him, but he really was at his best pinned down below him, where Papyrus had complete control. He couldn’t get enough of him and was torn between looking and touching.

Touching won in the end, Papyrus couldn’t keep his mouth far from Sans for long. 

He kept moving until he felt those tingles, and before he could realize what that meant, he was coming deep inside Sans. He was barely finished that he could feel Sans come too.

Papyrus tried to breathe, but then Sans wanted to kiss and he decided air wasn’t essential after all. They stayed close until their magic dissolved, leaving no traces whatsoever of their activity. Papyrus guessed that was one good point of their peculiar anatomy.

They turned around until they were both on their side, facing each other. Sans let out a content sigh, his eyes closed in bliss. Papyrus stared at his brother and memorized every little details of his satisfaction, to make sure he could recognize it and make it happen again.

When Sans finally opened his eyes, Papyrus couldn’t help the smile that came forth. Sans smiled lazily, his eyes betraying all of his feelings without any kind of masks.

They got lost in each other’s eyes for a while, each finding their happiness in the other’s, until Papyrus could feel the hunger gnawing at him. 

He stood up only to be stopped by his brother, though his hand was so lax he couldn’t stop a fly, let alone Papyrus. Still, he turned towards his brother and told him, “I’M GOING FOR A SNACK, DO YOU WANT SOMETHING?”

“water,” Sans asked, his voice completely wrecked. “and somethin’ to eat”

“YES BROTHER, I’M COMING BACK AS SOON AS I CAN!”

Armed with snacks and two glasses of water, Papyrus went back to Sans, only to find him fast asleep. With a fond sigh, Papyrus ate and drank his own water, looking over his brother. Boyfriend? What label would they even use? 

He finished eating, brought the rest to his room, and finally picked up Sans to bring him to bed. It wouldn’t be the first time they would sleep together, but it would be the first time they would be naked.

Papyrus fell asleep quickly, his brother close to his soul for safekeeping.

*****

The next day, they only left the bed to eat, and even that wasn’t without adventures.

*****

If Papyrus had been happy with their routine before that, it was nothing compared to their life now.

Sans was so different in a relationship. He was the same lazy and prankster monster of course, but the teasing was of a completely different calibre. He would tell innuendos, sometimes really dirty ones, and touch Papyrus all throughout the weeks, until Papyrus was so high-strung he would pick him up to have his way with him. 

But Sans was also so, so _happy_. He was glowing with it, carrying it everywhere, in his eyes and his smile and his everything. Papyrus had never seen Sans so carefree before, so unburdened. It was truly a sight to behold. 

Sometimes Sans would laugh and Papyrus would stop everything, his breath stuck in his throat, staring until his brother felt weird about it. And then he would kiss him, because he could and because Sans always let out a little sigh when he did.

Papyrus was also happier, and everyone noticed. Undyne teased him endlessly, Alphys blushed and asked weird questions, people in his class asked what happened. Papyrus kept it as vague as he could, talking of good news and having a good life and everything that wasn’t exactly a lie.

This Sunday was spent in bed, where Papyrus was still impressed by Sans’ stamina. It went to show he could have energy when he wanted. Papyrus would scold him about it, but, if he was honest, he didn’t exactly mind.

They were taking a break right now. Sans was lying face first on the bed, but Papyrus could tell he wasn’t asleep, just recuperating. As for Papyrus himself, he was on his side, looking at his naked brother with satisfaction. They really were living their best life, weren’t they?

Sans turned his face to look at him and told him seductively, “like what you’re looking at handsome?”

“SANS,” Papyrus berated him, “DON’T START SOMETHING IF YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO FOLLOW THROUGH. YOU’RE NOT EVEN ABLE TO TURN AROUND.”

“heh, guess i need to put some more backbone into it!”

“UGH, SANS, NOT RIGHT NOW!” Papyrus would never say it, but he loved when Sans joked. Not to mention, he was pretty sure this one had actually been Papyrus’.

“come on you’re smiling!” Sans was too, something sly and vaguely sexual. There really was no end to his desire.

“I AM AND I HATE IT!”

“no you dont,” Sans told him smugly.

“SIGH... NO I DON’T.”

Sans, triumphant, finally tried to turn around by pushing his body up with his hands, but he barely lifted before falling down again, face first. That was so funny Papyrus couldn’t help laughing. Yeah, Sans was completely beat.

Before Sans could complain, Papyrus picked him up and quickly put him on his back. They were both so used to this that Sans never was surprised anymore to be lifted without warning. 

“there, knew i could do it”

“OH MY GOD SANS THAT WAS ME AND YOU KNOW IT!”

Sans let his head fall towards his brother, still smiling in mischief, and told him, “basically the same thing”

“UGH, YOU’RE GETTING TOO USED TO THIS, MAYBE I SHOULDN’T HELP YOU THAT MUCH!”

“hey, you love it!”

Well... Papyrus had wished, in the past, and more than once, to pick his sibling and put him where he wanted him to be. If he was honest, him manhandling Sans was something he wanted to do, though Sans obviously had no objections. Papyrus liked being in control of where Sans was. 

“ALRIGHT, MAYBE I DO.”

Sans looked surprised at his admission. “huh, never thought you would straight up admit it.”

After a lull in conversation, Sans asked him, “by the way, we never talked about changing labels”

Oh, right, they hadn’t!

“TRUE! BUT YOU ARE FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MY BROTHER. CALLING YOU MY BOYFRIEND SEEMS A BIT... REDUCTIVE?”

“yeah. how about _brofriend_? because you’re my bro _and_ my bf?”

“NO SANS THAT SOUNDS RIDICULOUS!”

Sans laughed.

“I WOULD BE PRETTY GLAD TO CALL YOU THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, OR PARTNER SOUNDS GOOD TOO? I’VE SEEN SIGNIFICANT OTHER TOO, MAYBE THAT WOULD BE NICE?”

Sans stilled completely, all traces of laughter leaving his face. Had Papyrus said something weird?

“SANS? WHAT’S WRONG?”

He could see him swallow before he asked, his voice a little strangled, “love of your life?”

“... YES? YOU ARE? WHAT’S WRONG WITH IT?”

A smile crept on Sans’ face, something tentative but beautiful. “youre mine too”

“I SHOULD HOPE SO! SANS, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU RIGHT? I MEAN, I’VE SAID IT ENOUGH ALREADY, BUT YOU’RE BY FAR THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON TO ME.”

Sans sighed, but he was still smiling, “i know, i’m just not used to it yet.”

“OH SANS... I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU UNTIL YOU TRULY BELIEVE IT!”

With a meek expression, Sans admitted, “i’d like that.”

“I LOVE YOU SANS!”

“i love you too,” Sans said in wonder. Then, with a filthy smile, he added, “i don’t really need to move though do i? you can do everything and i can just lie there looking beautiful. you would even like it, admit it.”

Though he knew he was being manipulated, Papyrus gave in and proceeded to show Sans how right he was.

*****

Undyne and Alphys were the only ones to know, which basically meant, double dates!!!

Papyrus was so happy to be able to go on double dates. Simple dates were the best thing, of course, but getting to be with his brother in front of other people? Really be with him, and not pretend they were only brothers? That was the best!

They kept their double dates in one of their home, mainly for that reason. This day, they were at Papyrus’ and Sans’. They barely finished eating when Undyne, a weird smile on her face, asked, “Sorry guys, but you know I have to ask! How does it _work_ with, you know? YKNOW???” She gesticulated with her hands, but, if it was supposed to be some kind of innuendo, Papyrus wasn’t getting it. He got the idea though.

Alphys usually was the one to ask the weird questions, so Papyrus was surprised it came from Undyne this time. Still! You don’t simply ask that type of question!

“UNDYNE! THAT’S PRIVATE!!”

A blushing Alphys added, “I a-actually really want to know t-too!”

Papyrus turned to his brother for support, but, to his horror, Sans seemed _amused_. Oh god, what was he about to do? 

Sadly enough, he didn’t have time to interject before Sans winked, and, to his horror, manifested his tongue to stick it out.

Papyrus couldn’t help the blush that took over his face and he immediately tried to cover Sans’ face. “OH MY GOD SANS DON’T DO THAT!”

Sans was laughing like he didn’t have a care in the world, and that stopped all kinds of protest from Papyrus. How was he supposed to be mad when Sans was so happy?

“Oooooh,” Undyne let out, “that explains a lot!”

“D-does that mean that, euhm, well, you know, down t-th-the – oh my god what am I s-saying?” Alphys, her whole face a deep red, seemed equal parts fascinated and equal parts mortified.

Papyrus let his hands fall down. Thank god Sans had put his tongue away. He was still smiling though. “yup, our magic takes form depending on how we feel. trust me, we have no problem whatsoever in that department.”

“UGH,” Papyrus, still blushing, pleaded, “CAN WE CHANGE SUBJECTS NOW??”

Thankfully, nobody objected.

*****

“paps?”

Papyrus looked up from his book. They were relaxing on the sofa, before Sans’ Saturday shift. Papyrus had been studying up until now, but he guessed he could take a break. 

Closing his book, Papyrus answered, “YES SANS?”

“i was thinking about telling tori about us.”

Toriel was more Sans’ friend than Papyrus’. Oh, sure, they had talked before. Sans sometimes brought him to her house for a meal, and together with Frisk, they got along just fine. He did appreciate her, but they didn’t have a whole lot in common, so it was pretty rare for them to spend time alone.

Sans, on the other hand, loved her. She was the only monster he frequented outside of their common friends, if you didn’t count Grillby. They were texting everyday and he saw her at least once a week for lunch. Papyrus knew how important she was to him, and he understood why he wanted to tell her.

But Toriel was Frisk’s mom, and Papyrus still wasn’t sure about Frisk. Oh, he was still seeing them as usual! And he did love them. But he felt weird with them, and even after all these weeks, it hadn’t gotten any better.

He didn’t think he could go back to normal unless he had a good talk with them.

Which is why he told his brother, “SANS, IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T WANT YOU TO, BUT I THINK WE SHOULD SPEAK WITH FRISK FIRST.”

“frisk? why?”

“TO TALK ABOUT THE RESETS OF COURSE. I THINK YOU BOTH NEED TO COME CLEAN TO EACH OTHER. I’LL BE THERE IF YOU WANT ME TO!”

Sans took a steadying breath, his face betraying what he thought of that idea. But why was he so reticent?

“WHAT’S WRONG BROTHER?”

“i dont... i dont think im ready. i...” Sans, wriggling his fingers, was looking elsewhere. 

“SANS? CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME WHY?”

“...” 

“SANS?”

“what if... what if they’re glad they killed us paps?” Sans admitted in a whisper. “what if im wrong, and all along they werent the kid i think i know?” Barely loud enough to be heard, Sans added, “what if i _dreamed_ all that? what if im crazy after all?”

“OH SANS... I DON’T KNOW HOW WELL IT WILL GO, BUT IT’S STILL BETTER THAN NOT BEING SURE RIGHT?”

“i don’t know, do _you_ feel better?” Sans barked back, his fists closed but still avoiding eye contact.

That was a low blow, and Papyrus felt no qualm letting his brother know, “OF COURSE I DON’T _FEEL BETTER_ ABOUT ALL THIS, BUT I’M STILL GLAD I KNOW. AND EVEN IF IT’S BAD NEWS, I WANT TO KNOW. I CAN’T KEEP DOUBTING AND WONDERING!”

All fight left Sans. “sorry paps, you’re right. i wanna know too, but i don’t know if i can take the truth. i’m not as strong as you are.”

“NONSENSE! YOU ARE THE STRONGEST PERSON I KNOW! MAYBE IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE THAT TO YOU, BUT I CAN GUARANTEE YOU ARE STRONG! AND EVEN IF YOU WEREN’T, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! YOU CAN LEAN ON ME TOO!”

Sans’ expression softened, and he took Papyrus’ hand in his own. “thank you paps. i love you.”

“I LOVE YOU TOO SANS!”

*****

Since there was no point delaying further, Papyrus invited Frisk next Sunday.

Most people couldn’t tell, but it was obvious to Papyrus how nervous Sans was. And with good reason, too. For all Papyrus was pushing this, he too was worried.

He was convinced knowing was better, and he was sure Frisk would explain everything in a way that made some sort of sense. Frisk wasn’t a bad person. They made some mistakes, maybe a lot, but Papyrus was confident about that. Sadly, it didn’t help the least with his fidgeting.

They came over for lunch. Papyrus cooked and, for the nostalgia of it all, offered spaghetti. Frisk praised him, and Sans too of course. Papyrus had to admit he was proud of himself. The pasta was homemade, as well as the sauce, and the result was pretty good. 

The human talked about school, how it was to have humans and monsters in the same classes. They were very passionate about magic, even if they showed no sign of having it themselves. The more determination you hava, the less magic you could use, as they were opposites. Frisk was the person with the most determination, so magic was way out of their league.

This was actually a nice way to ease into the subject. Papyrus, as subtly as he knew how, asked about determination. As much as Frisk had been talkative before, they suddenly became very tight-lipped.

Papyrus glanced at his brother, trying to convey to him that it was his time to talk. 

Sans took the hint and, looking as uncomfortable as possible, finally admitted, “look kiddo, there’s no easy way to say this so i’ll just go ahead. i know you can reset, because i remember every timelines.”

Frisk wasn’t the most expressive person. They were most of the time competing with Sans for the best poker face. But right now, it was painfully obvious how surprised and horrified they were.

But they weren’t talking. They were shaking, and their eyes were shining with tears, but they had nothing to say. Or maybe too much.

“FRISK? I KNOW TOO, EVEN IF I DON’T REMEMBER. BUT IT’S OKAY!”

Frisk told them that no, it wasn’t okay. And then, they finally started explaining everything. Both skeletons listened to the tale, not daring to interrupt.

The first time Frisk had fallen down, they weren’t expecting to wake up. They went on Mt Ebbott hoping to disappear, like the legends told. 

But they woke up and met Flowey, then Toriel, and other monsters. Frisk thought about giving up a lot of times, but in the end, they persevered. Why? Not even Frisk was sure. Curiosity? Completion? Defiance? Determination?

They ended up fighting Asgore, and Flowey, and finally, they were able to go back on the surface. But they had nothing left there. No family anymore, no friends, nothing. They had hoped to disappear, but against their better judgment, here they were, back outside.

That’s when they decided, it couldn’t hurt to try one more time! Maybe, with what they knew now, they could try again, do better. There had to be a way to make sure not to kill anyone. They had almost managed after all. Maybe saving everyone would change the ending?

And it did. Frisk made friends with everyone, and they got to spend some quality time with all of them. They fell in love with monsterkind. Sure, monster were dangerous, but there was an honesty to them, a warmth, that they had never felt anywhere else.

When they managed to break the barrier and free everyone, Frisk thought they could be happy. And they _were_. But insecurity started to seep inside their mind. What if, after all this, monsters didn’t want Frisk anymore? What if they all left them, like the others?

That’s when Frisk decided it couldn’t hurt to do it one more time. Make sure they hadn’t missed anything. Maybe there even was a way to save Flowey that Frisk didn’t know yet?

Everything was exactly the same, but they weren’t _ready_ to let go yet. So they did the exact same route, becoming friends with everyone again. And again. And again.

Repeating the same thing got boring after a while, and Frisk wanted to know more about their friends. They wanted to know what would happen if things went differently.

There was a good reason why Frisk had been left alone all their life. Frisk proved right whoever abandoned them by starting the murders.

They started with Toriel. Since she never left the ruins, it barely affected anything. 

Undyne had been difficult to kill, but they were hoping Alphys would react in some way. Only, she never learned about it and it ended up not mattering.

Then Mettaton was pretty much the same thing. Frisk tried killing everyone they could think of, but almost nothing changed. Except, of course, they never could break the barrier, but that was okay. Frisk didn’t want to go to the surface.

That’s when they realized, in order to _really_ change things, they had to kill everyone. Go out of their way to find monsters to kill, until nobody came. There was no way everything would be the same after that.

Until that point, Frisk had never killed Papyrus, because they knew they would have a hard time killing him. It was even more difficult this time, because Papyrus offered them mercy from the beginning. He offered a hug and Frisk paid him back with a slash of their knife. 

Most people would be convinced they had no choice but to kill a relentless killer, but not Papyrus. He only _believed_ even more.

When they reached Waterfall, and Sans wasn’t at his post, they fell down besides the silent echo flower and cried.

Frisk admitted to feeling even more lonely after that. Papyrus or Undyne wouldn’t call. Sans, of course, didn’t appeared until the end. So they went through the underground alone. The grief, and the guilt, were strong, but not as much as their determination.

They would like to have a better reason for their acts, but they didn’t. Just like Sans said, they did this because if they could, that meant they had to. Because they wanted to know. Because there were no consequences. Because they were so, _so lonely_.

The fight with Sans was by far the hardest. The hardest to dodge and learn, but also the hardest emotionally. That was a monster that didn’t fight until he was pushed by grief. Seeing him so sad was heartbreaking. Even if it had been informative, in the end, Frisk couldn’t say it was satisfying.

After that, they learned just how _wrong_ they had been. There were consequences.

Frisk lost all control, the only thing they had left. Chara took over their body and did the genocide run over, and over, and over. And Frisk was begging them to spare, to go back in time, to _stop_. It would have been better for everyone if Frisk had just _died and never came back_.

The thing was, not even Chara was immune to boredom. After a long, long time, they gave up. And Frisk’s determination overtook them, long enough to do the pacifist run one more time, get the monsters to the surface, and then destroy the power of reset completely.

They couldn’t reset anymore, and they were glad for it. In the end, determination had brought nothing but pain to monsters.

Chara left when the reset button was destroyed. Frisk was convinced they were the only one who knew about resets, apart from Flowey, who was still in the underground and would stay there. 

That’s why Frisk decided not to say anything. It would be best for monsterkind if they could stay as their one true savior. They started wearing the mask of this perfect kid, even if they knew how bad they were. How _horrible_ , and _merciless_ , they had been. They acted pure, all the while thinking, every time they looked in a mirror, every time someone smiled at them, every time they did something _good_ , that they should just _crawl somewhere and die already_.

If they had known someone could remember, maybe they would have done things differently. Maybe they wouldn’t have felt so _alone_ with this power too big to handle. Or maybe they would have done exactly the same, they weren’t sure anymore. And it didn’t matter anyway, because they couldn’t change anything. Even with the power of time travel, Frisk couldn’t escape their sins.

When Frisk finally ended their story, Papyrus couldn’t stop crying. All this time, he had been wondering _why_ , but he could never have guessed... in the end, loneliness brought the worst in all of them. Papyrus had been fortunate enough to always have his big brother with him, but to carry something so heavy by themselves... Papyrus couldn’t help but notice how similar Sans and Frisk were. 

Before he could suggest a hug, because hugs always made things better, Sans actually beat him to it. Without speaking, he stood up, walked to Frisk, and hugged them.

Though the human was surprised, they ended up gripping Sans’ jacket and sobbing into his shirt. Papyrus, without a word, followed his brother’s example and gently cupped them both in his arms.

Frisk cried for a while, and Papyrus did too. But Sans, dry-eyed, comforted the human with a soothing voice.

When Frisk had calm down, they asked, in an unsure voice, how they could ever hope to get better. They admitted to wanting to be that kid they were playing, and they wanted to stop feeling so alone all the time. They wanted to stop hearing that voice telling them to die all the time.

“I DON’T KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE, HUMAN, BUT I DO KNOW YOU ARE NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. LONELINESS CAN DRIVE EVEN THE BEST OF US TO THE DARKEST PLACES. THERE’S ALWAYS GOOD IN PEOPLE, AND I KNOW THERE IS GOOD IN YOU, BECAUSE I CAN SEE IT. ESPECIALLY NOW.”

“kiddo, i’m so sorry, if only i had talked to you, maybe.... everything could have been better. you really needed good food and bad laughs after all.”

Frisk chuckled, maybe this was an inside joke between the two? 

They thanked them, and after that they all piled on the sofa to watch a movie, Frisk between the two skeletons.

Papyrus would make sure from now on that Frisk wouldn’t feel alone, no matter what. If he had been able to help Sans, maybe there was some way he could help Frisk too.

*****

Frisk told Toriel the truth, but, to Papyrus’ horror, it didn’t go as well as it did with them.

That night, their expression forlorn, Frisk had come to Sans and Papyrus to seek refuge. Toriel had told them she couldn’t bear to even look at them anymore.

Frisk slept on the couch, but Papyrus could easily tell the next day they hadn’t slept a wink. Sans left to go talk with Toriel, hoping to make her see reason, or at least explain his part of the whole ordeal.

Papyrus was left with a depressed Frisk. He tried to lift their mood, but there was no use. Frisk was still in shock from Toriel’s reaction. They didn’t get the approval from the one person they needed it most. There was no getting over it.

They both watched TV without really watching it, unable to keep their focus on anything. 

Frisk stayed silent throughout the day, their face expressionless but their whole body shaking. That made Papyrus remember what Sans had told him about how cold it felt to be alone. That’s why he made them cocoa, brought lots of blankets, and ended up cuddling with them until they weren’t shaking anymore.

Sadly, there wasn’t much Papyrus could do apart from that.

Sans came back alone with some news. Toriel wasn’t ready to speak yet, but Sans could tell she would work through it. In the meantime, Frisk was more than welcomed to stay with them as long as they needed.

Frisk nodded, but it was clear they weren’t feeling any better.

They spent the next couple weeks living with them. Barely the next day, they asked, their face blank, if they were ‘boning’. Sans was laughing so hard Papyrus had to be the one to answer that yes, they were dating.

Frisk approved, and, from then on, it was pretty smooth sailing, if you forgot how, at night, if Papyrus woke up, he could hear them crying.

*****

It was a Wednesday evening when Toriel came knocking. Sans was at work, so Papyrus answered the door and asked the furry monster if she wanted to come in.

Frisk was at the table. As soon as they saw Toriel, they ran towards their mom. Toriel knelt down and hugged the child tenderly.

They said no words, but they left together, Frisk’s hand in Toriel’s.

*****

“by the way, i told tori about us. she’s totally cool with it.”

It took Papyrus a couple seconds to register the words. To be fair, they had been kissing up to this point, and Papyrus’ train of thought had been so very far away from Toriel or anyone that wasn’t Sans.

Sans, panting, blushing, his enticing tongue peeking between his teeth, made for a very easy distraction, and even when Papyrus finally registered his words, he still kissed his brother some more.

It was only two minutes later that Papyrus pushed back Sans and told him, “WHAT A TIME TO TELL ME THAT SANS! BUT I AM GLAD! NOW EVERYONE OF IMPORTANCE KNOWS!”

Sans had told him a couple weeks ago the very underwhelming story of his declaration to Grillby. The fire monster had simply shrugged and answered, “About time.” Before going back to work. 

Much later that night, after getting frisky and then eating dinner, both skeletons were watching TV. It wasn’t one of their favorite show, so they felt no qualms talking over it.

That’s when Papyrus decided to address his very last concern. “SANS?”

“yup?” He lazily answered.

“DON’T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU LIKE WORKING AT GRILLBY’S, BUT DON’T YOU WANT TO DO MORE? YOU WERE A SCIENTIST IN THE PAST. I KNOW YOU STILL LIKE SCIENCE. ASTRO-PHYSICS SEEMS LIKE A GOOD FIELD OF WORK, DOESN’T IT?”

Sans hummed, taking Papyrus’ words in, before he confessed, “before dad died, if i could have been a rocket scientist on the surface, i would have. but now, i don’t think i could take the responsibility. dad died because i did science. sure, it was his project, but i helped a lot, and i don’t think i would like to do it again. plus, it’s so much work.”

“I KNOW YOU CAN GET THE MOTIVATION IF YOU CARE ENOUGH! AND WHAT HAPPENED TO DAD WASN’T YOUR FAULT, YOU CAN’T LET IT KEEP YOU FROM GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE.”

“the thing is,” Sans sank further into him, getting comfortable, “it’s not what i want. not anymore. i don’t want to change the world paps. i don’t want to dedicate my life to my work. i’ve lived through interesting times, and i don’t want that anymore. i want a simple life. you by my side. regulars to joke with at grillby’s. i’ve had enough adventures to last a lifetime.”

“not to mention, when you’ll open your own restaurant one day, i’ll be able to help you with everything.”

That was sweet, but Papyrus felt the need to specify, “YOU DON’T NEED TO SHAPE YOUR LIFE AROUND MINE.”

Sans moved up his body to smile at him. “i know, i’m not doing it because of you, that’s just a nice bonus.”

His next words went unspoken when Sans kissed him one time, and again, and once more for good luck.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry, I can’t stop picturing Papyrus picking Sans up only to move him like, an inch to the left. That would be hilarious. 
> 
> But anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! It has a lot more plot than originally intended, but I would have felt bad leaving plotholes, so there you go.
> 
> Feel free to tell me if i forgot an important tag!


End file.
